my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize