Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
