omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize