Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
