people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize