Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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