So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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