I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize