***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
