He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
