Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm like, not good at living.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
