My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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