she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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