remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
