he shaved USA in his pubs
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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