Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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