Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
