the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
