i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
organizing the empties. That sober.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
