there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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