census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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