remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize