i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
