how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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