i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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