people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
