you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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