We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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