i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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