explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
