what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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