from now on my penis is your penis
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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