You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
