I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
