I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
