im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
