I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
