I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
