Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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