Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
