It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
