I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
