put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
