I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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