I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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