Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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