I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what day is it and did you see me today?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
