So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
