im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
