I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
