I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
All I want is dick and wine.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
