I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
In other news, I just burned my penis
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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