I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
