Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
