I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize