I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
