Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
