I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
