I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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