I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your dad touched me again.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
