Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
