Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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