Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize