so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
