I could make wine with my vomit
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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